Oath...

This is something that has been on my mind for a while, so I thought I'd let it out at last.

Ever since I can remember, I have been told I was too skinny.
Fact: I’m 5’10’’ (177cm) and 125lb (58kg).
Fact: I’m underweight.
Fact: I don’t try to be, I just am.

I never really cared that much until one day my not-so-skinny friend walked up to me and said while hugging me hello, ”You’re so skinny, eww, it’s disgusting!” Ever since then, I started getting a little self conscious about my weight… I tried eating more junk, but my liver couldn’t take it. I tried eating late, but it would keep me up late. I tried eating large quantities but my stomach is about the size of a peanut, that’s why I eat small amounts several times a day. That’s how my body works. My doctor told me off when I complained of sleeplessness and told me to quit it. Did I listen to her? Hell no. I kept trying to gain weight until at some point I laughed at myself and thought, “Gosh, all those girls going on diets to lose weight and I’m on one to gain some punds!” And all of a sudden it wasn’t so funny any more. That’s when I started thinking, this is ridiculous! Why am I obsessing about putting on weight when I know it doesn’t work for me? Just because some fat jerk told me I looked bad? I like me the way I am and I refuse to let someone else tell me how I should feel about myself! Screw you! I’ll be as skinny or as fat as I want, as long as I like it! Some girls openly admit they would kill to look like me, and I’m not happy!!! There’s something seriously wrong here!

My point is, it’s not about whether I am skinny or fat, or ‘just right’ but how I feel about it and whether I let others decide how I should feel for me. Cos that’s just mean! Do I walk up to someone who is overweight and say, “Man, you’re so FAT! It’s disgusting!”? No! I have enough respect and sensitivity not to do such a thing. And nobody does it to fat people, because it’s not 'politically correct'. Only the skinny ones get the special treatment.
I mean, is it my fault that my body needs more energy for regular day-to-day activities? I don’t need to exercise to get my heart rate up to 130, a 20 minute walk from the train station to work will do the trick! I believe it has something to do with so called high metabolism.

Therefore…
I hereby make an oath: I shall not let other people decide how much I should weight and I shall obsess about dieting no more. Moreover, I shall not let anyone decide what I like, think or want in my life in general. Period.